Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hello. Hello, beautiful people, and welcome to another segment of Complete Wellness with Cindy, the Busy Woman's cheerleader. You all know that this is October, and it's considered Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but it's also considered domestic violence awareness month. And many of you may know from me sharing carts of my story that I am a survivor of domestic violence. Um, recently I was interviewed by elany from Transformational Beauty, and I wanted to share that video with you, or audio, uh, whichever format you're listening from. I wanted to share that with you in hopes of it helping someone. Um, it's a transparent moment for me. Um, it's not all doom and gloom, you know, I'm not that type of person, so I just wanted to share this with you. I hope that you learn something from it, and I will see you soon.
Speaker 1 00:00:55 Welcome
Speaker 2 00:00:56 Back. This is NY with Transformational Love Lenny's Tribe. And today we have Cindy Ran, the author of the Busy Woman's Guide to Holistic Health and Wellness. Hi, Cindy, thank you for joining me here today.
Speaker 3 00:01:08 Hi, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 00:01:10 My pleasure. So, you and I have spoken a few times and we're kind of getting to know each other, and I'm just really excited to have you on the program because I think you have a lot to offer. Our modern day busy mom, wife, single woman, entrepreneur, entrepreneur, serial entrepreneur, everybody out there, aspiring author and Christian woman. So, um, we can chat back and forth. You can have at it, whatever. It's just, it's a casual format. So let's just go <laugh>.
Speaker 3 00:01:39 Okay. Well, I'll let you start your drive,
Speaker 2 00:01:42 <laugh>. Okay. I'll start. Okay. So I guess, uh, before we get to the book and what, what prompted you to write it is maybe talk a little bit about your background and your journey and what brought you to this point.
Speaker 3 00:01:54 Oh, goodness. Um, woo. Well, you know, I like the fact that you said journey, because I've been asked about the story and it's like, it is more of a journey, um, especially as you age and progress. You look back over those, you know, footsteps and prints and things, and it's like, you know what? I could have done this better, or I could have done that. I could not done, you know, different things. And, um, um, it's definitely been a journey. Um, I do speak a lot. Um, I guess in reference to my, my myself, you know, in the book, um, basically, you know, I was a young mother, young bride and abusive relationship that found myself homeless, trying to get out of it. Me, at this point in my life, um, I'm just trying to live like my best life. You know, you still have heels and valleys.
Speaker 3 00:02:37 I've, I've been an accountant for almost 30 years and, and business, um, finance coach. And so, um, on this second half of my life, basically what I wanted to happen was, you know, instead of encompassing the, both with wealth and health as I did as an accountant, I basically wanted to be able to kind of focus on the wellness side of it, you know, the, the holistic health and wellness. And so, um, I became a holistic health coach. So that is what allowed me, um, as well with, you know, teaching that, um, to different clients. And then we have our holistic boutique, which is in Atlanta, Georgia. And so it's just, you know, like I said, a lot of heels in and valleys and, and mountains <laugh>, but you overcome them. And so, like I said, it, for me, it started many, many, many years ago trying to get out of an abusive relationship.
Speaker 2 00:03:27 So, lemme ask you this, because I'm, I'm all about identity and, um, positivity and our mindset and how our perception and perspective of ourselves and relationship to our relationship with God, our ability to love ourselves and accept that love from our creator, and realize how intricately and wonderfully made, how has that been, first of all, affected and grown throughout the years? Like, how do you see, as part of your holistic journey, as part of your wellness journey? How do you see how your identity has evolved?
Speaker 3 00:04:00 Um, because I accepted the Lord in my life as a child. I don't recall a time not having him in my life. Um, like I said before, you know, there's been a lot of transitions. It doesn't mean that you're perfect. It doesn't mean that everything goes well. It just means that, you know, somewhere along the way. Um, before we got here, he knew that we were gonna need a certain type of connection, a certain type of relationship. And, you know, some people, you know, garnered that relationship early and some did not. And so for me, because of, of my upbringing and my faith that has, you know, never wavered, I, I don't care what went on is, is it's like I always knew that God could, he would, and he will, you know, deliver. He would allow me to triumph over whatever tragedy I was dealing with.
Speaker 3 00:04:45 It's just, you know, my mother used to always say that, you know, some people experience their life lessons as a child and some experience them as an adult. I was just one of those who experienced it as, as a young adult. And so now that I'm, I'm in another age category, <laugh> another age group, you know, again, I look back over those, those footsteps, those prints mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And, um, I, I know that those are things now that basically carved me into the woman that I am today. Um, still abiding in faith, you know, still trusting him for the journey. Uh, sometimes things happen and it kind of throws you off, and it's like, you know what in the world, you know, did I do something or did I think something wrong? You know? And, and a lot of times it's, it's not even that.
Speaker 3 00:05:24 It's just, there's something along the path and your journey that, you know, you are being prepped for in the future. And sometimes to us it's inadvertently we don't realize it. But when you actually get to that point at, you know, like with myself now, I never aspire to write a book, You know, I'm just being realistic. I, I never aspired, um, to write a book. It was never on my bucket list. It's just that in my seeking God for direction for this stage, even when, you know, my group said, Well, you know, you've written a book. This isn't like a journal, journal. This is a, a book. Um, even with that, I didn't just run out, um, and just say, Okay, I'm just gonna write this book. Okay. They said, Write a book. No, you know, I, I went through fasting and praying and, and really seeking God for direction because I always want to be aligned with his purpose, his blueprint, and his will for my life.
Speaker 2 00:06:15 Okay. So you mentioned that you were young bride and that you find yourself in an abusive situation. I think that that's gonna resonate, unfortunately, as many women might see themselves in a situation. And, um, I, my understanding is self-esteem suffers. You're, you feel trapped or you don't, you start believing the lies. And so how did you find yourself in this situation? How did you find the strength to get out? Cause a lot of women, uh, stay trapped. And then how did you build yourself back up, obviously with Christ, but you obviously, there had to be a period in your time where you didn't feel as good about yourself, or you mean the struggle, the suffering, all of that. Like, how did you find yourself in it and how'd you find yourself your way out?
Speaker 3 00:07:00 Well, I will tell you how I found myself out. I, I'll tell you that. Ok, this is the thing. Um, sometimes as a young person, you really think that you have the answers. Um, those early years are basically like your discovery years. So a lot of times you invite people into your life that you probably should not invite into your life because your, your judgment is still cross between a child, a teenager, and a young adult. So for me, I can't say that my self-esteem suffered because I know who I am. Okay? I know who I belong to. I can't say self-esteem suffered. I was angry with myself for a while because I said, What on earth have I done? I mean, I have completely allowed a monster, you know, into my life. This person wasn't a monster prior to our hour marriage, prior to the engagement, prior to that life together, they weren't a monster. And then, you know, suddenly, okay, now you've got me, you've, you've paid this fee and you've got this marriage license, and you're complete an utter monster.
Speaker 2 00:08:03 Can I ask you something to, not to interrupt, but a lot of people say, Oh, there's red flags and you just missed him. I'm sure there was signs, and I can't, I have to say, I don't think there's always signs.
Speaker 3 00:08:14 There are not always signs, because what I was going to say was that this individual as well was raised in church. So you can't always, you know, my, your your baseline and thought a lot of times is that we are equally yo. Right? You know, Okay, we have the same belief systems. These are the things that you're taught for many years to kind of look out for. But that's not always the case. Sometimes things just happen and, you know, I'm just one of those people who just believes it is what it is. But okay, how I'm gonna change it? How am I gonna change this? How am I going to, you know, kind of, I would say grab the steering wheel and kind of get back on track. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that was our primary concern was, you know, for me and, and my daughter at that time was for us to be safe and for me to make better choices.
Speaker 3 00:09:00 So how did you do it? Like, how'd you get out? I'm very strategic, especially when I realized that there is a problem. Um, to this very day. A friend of mine, not too long ago, she called me with an issue and she said, um, I knew if I talked to you, you'd have a resolution, you know, some type of resolve for the, for the issue. And I said, Well, no, it's not bad. It's just that for me, I guess because I am busy, I, I stay busy as well for myself. It, it makes me feel good to always have something to do. And so, um, for me, when I realize that there was a problem and, and instead of keep continuously allowing it to happen and allowing it to progress, my thought is like, Okay, this is what's going on. How am I gonna get myself out of that?
Speaker 3 00:09:43 So for me, um, I had a child, like I said, still in accounting, but at the time, I also, I was still in school, so there's like a combination of dynamics. Now you've got a child in play, you've got this abuse going on at home. My goal was to get out of the house. So my job and school was like my, uh, saving, I don't wanna say my saving grace, but it was my, my safe space. My safe space. I did that to basically get out of the house. I couldn't get outta the house quick enough. And so while I'm at work and on lunch break, and while I'm, you know, having activities with my daughter, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm praying. It's like, okay, you know, I've, I've done this before, you know, I've gotta find me a place, I've gotta make sure I've got a deposit.
Speaker 3 00:10:24 I've gotta make sure, you know, I've got, you know, money for the electricity and whatever, utilities, I've gotta find a place of my own so that I can get out of there. And so what happened was that transition period, I was homeless, I started a new job. I was sleeping in my car. I would get my daughter dressed at the quick pit and you know, wash her up, wash myself up. I was in leadership in my position at work. So here it is, I'm going to work, I'm broken into pieces. But I put that mask on as if I was okay. I put it on and I held myself together. But I'm, I'm broken into pieces. The goal was to be able to get my, my first check, because at the time, you know, he did some issues with the money he's working on one side of the account, I'm working on the other.
Speaker 3 00:11:11 So I was like, Okay, the joint count account is not a good idea. So basically what happened was that transition period again, um, I didn't have enough to go to a hotel, but I just knew I wasn't going back home. Mm. So we stayed in our car, and my daughter, bless her heart, you know, she's always been a trooper, always said, when God picked the kids, he knew exactly which one to give me, because with me and all of my business, and go, go, go, go, go. She was always like, Okay, mommy, let me get my shoes. I'm coming. You know, right in there. Yeah. She's a sweetheart. She hang right in there with me. And she didn't question me. Um, I think for me, what really did it was the day that she saw it, when she saw it, that did it for me.
Speaker 3 00:11:53 I, I could not raise a daughter with her thinking that was okay. Oh, wow. Yeah. And so, um, that day was the last time that she saw him. And that day as well was the last time that I decided that was gonna be our residence. So it was like a drastic, but again, the hope for me, okay, I've got a check coming. If I can just, you know, grin and bear it, just, just hold it together until I get this check, I can get a place. I kept going to work. I kept looking like, you know, like I was normal and I was broken into pieces. Hence the reason why as well. Um, and I don't know if you and I had discussed that, um, I still have, um, a charity that is basically, it's a great for mine international, and it is geared towards homeless families with children.
Speaker 3 00:12:37 That's a part of where that little bird came from that tapped me on the shoulder to do that. And basically with that, a lot of times I remember advocating a lot, even with that subject, people think of homeless people as those that are stand out there with that little cardboard sign. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, and they're trying to hustle you for, for a dime or for a penny or, or, or whatever it is that you may choose to give. Um, I advocated for the functional homeless people because I was one of 'em. Everyone that goes through homelessness, everyone that's hungry, everyone that's in me is not a beggar. It's not a bomb. It's not a person that doesn't have a plan, but it's just like this. And, and this is another cycle that I found myself on when I did get the hotel room waiting for, excuse me, waiting for the apartment to come through.
Speaker 3 00:13:27 Um, you end up on a hamster wheel and a cycle. So let's just say, you know, let me put my accounting grain on. Let's just do a little math. So let's just say hypothetically, during that time, let's just say you're making $1,200 a month, let's just say hypothetically. And so you're spending two 50 a week on the hotel. So 2 50, 2 50 times four, that's a thousand. So you've got, what, two 50 left and two 50 left, and you've got a child in diapers, you've got daycare, you've gotta eat, you've gotta pay the insurance. If you've got a car note, you've gotta pay that. You need gas. You see, Oh yeah. That's what, that's what happens to a lot of people. And so when I saw myself in back dynamic, it's like, Okay, I can't stay here. I can't get comfortable. I can't stay here. Okay, we're out of a car, but now I've gotta get us out of this hamster wheel.
Speaker 3 00:14:25 Get us out of this hotel. No, not hotel motel, excuse me. Because basically, um, a lot of the, um, higher end hotels at that moment, at that time, you know, you're just trying to get in somewhere to have, you know, clean bed if you can, and a shower, um, a place to lay your head outside of your car. Cuz that's dangerous. But, you know, God always had his angels watching over me. And, um, I was fine. But getting off that hamster wheel was like another dynamic that was thrown in the midst of it. But again, by God's grace, you know, when I got that first check applied for the place, and I got it, and, you know, they were trying to get it together and it was like, I'll go in right now, It does not matter.
Speaker 2 00:15:08 Right. Gosh,
Speaker 3 00:15:09 You know, that was, that was what basically catapulted me into that mindset beyond the fact of what I saw. It's like, okay, I have got to get out of this. This is not healthy, and it's not healthy for my child to see me abused.
Speaker 2 00:15:24 Wow. That's, it is just mind blowing to me. And what an amazing story of resiliency, you know?
Speaker 3 00:15:32 Thank
Speaker 2 00:15:33 You. So it, it took a while from transitioning from your car to the hotel to the apartment. And I imagine that there were times where it was somewhat terrifying. I can't imagine what he was doing or, or up to during that time, but, Well, we
Speaker 3 00:15:48 Didn't, we didn't have cell phones back then, so it was awesome.
Speaker 2 00:15:51 Oh, <laugh> really?
Speaker 3 00:15:54 Cell phones back then. Um, it was absolutely awesome. Um, because, you know, it's like, I can deal with you when I choose to deal
Speaker 2 00:16:03 With you. Oh, okay. So you couldn't find you or reach you. That's good. No,
Speaker 3 00:16:07 No. That was, that was really advantageous.
Speaker 2 00:16:10 Did anybody at work, anybody know what was going on during this time? I know you said you,
Speaker 3 00:16:13 Oh, caught on. They they caught on. They caught on because I'm a high energy person, so they say <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:16:21 I, I can imagine where they got the idea at all.
Speaker 3 00:16:24 And, and I was becoming, um, I was going in, you know, I'm, I'm honestly like 90% introvert, honestly. And that introvert was outweighing, um, the, it, it was outweighing because I was so bogged down and stressed until I just got quiet. And that's a lot of times how I deal with it. And I speak about that in my book a lot of times. You know, when things hit you so hard, um, you can't reply or, or respond. Right. Then I don't like, you know, you have to have an action of reacting or respond. I choose to respond because that's delicate. That's thought, you know, you've put thought behind it. When you react to something as I, even though it appears that I react, reacted to, um, the situation at home, No, I responded to the situation. I remember during that time I said, I was telling, um, a friend of mine, and I said, if I didn't know that I had good sense, and I know that I do, um, so and so would make me think that I was the crazy person.
Speaker 2 00:17:23 Oh. And
Speaker 3 00:17:24 I knew I was not the crazy person. And that's what kicked in the fight for me, is again, doing who I am and who I am. Even at that young age, you know, knowing that this is not normal and this is, you know, not what I, I just feel like we were created to thrive. Not to just survive.
Speaker 2 00:17:45 Oh my gosh. Say that again. Yes, yes. Like
Speaker 3 00:17:48 We were created to thrive. And sometimes you find yourself in a situation where it's like, okay, I've paid the light wheel. Okay, I've paid my rent. Well, you know, hallelujah. Okay, I've paid this and I've paid the daycare. I don't have a $5 to my name now, but at least I paid it. I'm not saying not to be grateful, because you should always be grateful, but I think a lot of times as busy women as broken women as hurt, women as needy, you know, a lot of times we need not needy in a negative sense, but we need that, you know, affirmations from some people, you know, affirmative, you know, uh, basically I appreciate you, I appreciate I see you. Sometimes we need that as a woman. And so we become complacent in not thriving. We're, we're just barely getting by. And I don't believe that's why God created us was to barely get by. That's why he said, you know, he comes that we have life and to have it more abundantly. So for me, abundantly slash thrive, that's what that means for me.
Speaker 2 00:18:50 Well, we are definitely kindred spirits and that, cuz I always say, I'm not just a survivor, I'm a thriver. Exactly. Think exactly the mindsets mindset shift. It's also knowing who you are exactly. And who you are. You mentioned that you became angry or you're mad at yourself. How did you get through that phase of being angry with yourself? And how are, did you have to go through a process of self forgiveness? Or how did you
Speaker 3 00:19:15 Um, I forgave myself a long time ago. I, I forgave myself and I forgave him because I, I forgave him. For me, it's just that I decided this was not the right relationship and, you know, cut your losses and you've gotta move on. Nobody wants to, um, when you have, as a little girl, this thought, you know, the husband, the wife, the picket fence. Nobody wants to to raise their child as a, a single child or raise their children as a single parent. But, um, I knew that the God that I served, the God that I had grown to love, um, had more for me, had better for me. I knew that I had to see myself as he saw me. And I know that he didn't put me here to be unhappy, to be abused, to feel neglected, and to live and lack.
Speaker 2 00:20:07 That's really awesome. Very powerful message. And so you said that you want, you saw yourself the way he saw you, so obviously you grew up with a very positive, uh, uplifting message and a strong identity in Christ. So how do you think he sees you? I want you to hold onto that thought because we're gonna do a part two.
Speaker 3 00:20:27 Okay.
Speaker 2 00:20:28 So let me, uh, pause this. Well back to Al Love Lennie. Try part two of our interview with Cindy Ran, author of I'm Starting Over, <laugh>. Welcome back. This is Lenny of Transformational Love Lenny's tribe. We're here with Cindy Rand and she's the author of The Busy Woman's Guide to Holistic Health and Wellness. Thank you, Cindy. As we discussed in the first half of this interview, you find yourself in a situation that you never dreamed you would be in. You were in a, in a situation with a husband who was being abusive, and you knew you needed to get yourself and your daughter out of it. Um, we started discussing your book and we talked about holistic wellness and we talked about pivotal moments in your life and how you were able to take this mindset, this resiliency in your identity in Christ to through these pivotal moments in your life.
Speaker 2 00:21:26 But before we get there, I wanted to talk a little bit more about, um, the fact that domestic abuse does not happen in a cookie cutter fashion. Um, you may think you've dotted all your eyes and crossed all your tees, right? And you, you still find yourself in a situation where you don't see the red flags or there weren't any red flags, it just appeared after the fact. Right? Um, and sometimes they don't even happen right away. It's a process of over the years, maybe you're a confident person and then you find yourself starting to slowly become less and less confident or less and less able to figure out who you are. You can, you start to lose yourself, your who you think you are as a self, as a person. It's, I always, uh, compare it to the paint on the wall, slowly being peeled.
Speaker 2 00:22:16 Uh, it gets chipped away a piece at a time. It's not always blatantly evident. It doesn't always, um, um, include physical abuse and it doesn't always include drugs or alcohol even. So it just kind of wanted you to kind of comment on that. And then we're gonna move towards the direction of the book and the trajectory of your life, the journey you've been on. And like you said, we're still becoming, but you're not just a survivor, you're a thriver. I believe that. I teach that as well. We're not just survivors, right? We are thrivers. So I just, I want you to take it away from there and then we'll, um, go into the book.
Speaker 4 00:22:49 Well, um, one thing that I've told, um, a lot of my coaching clients and even, you know, friends, um, over the course of years that have dealt with the same thing, Um, basically you have to look at the source. Um, a lot of times if a person, you know, some people use the word, you know, narcissist, it is what it is. But sometimes, um, instead of, you know, of course you wanna look in the mirror, um, you have to consider the source. So when a person is unhappy, they want everyone around them unhappy. Okay? If a person is unsure of their identity, then they are going to, uh, basically kind of, you know, translate that type of energy over to you. Um, a lot of times when people are secretly unhappy, um, that's a lot of times why you end up with a monster that you didn't know you had because they're secretly unhappy.
Speaker 4 00:23:38 So, you know, a lot of fast forward, however, you know, when you try in a relationship in a marriage or, you know, whatever the case may be, to kind of figure out what those underlining problems are in that relationship and that doesn't work, then I feel like you should, you know, fight for your own life. You should flight, you know, take flight for your own life. And I say that because, you know, if a person wants help and you're offering help and they don't receive it, you can't allow that to be your problem. You have to move on.
Speaker 2 00:24:12 Okay. That's a great point. And the whole topic of narcissism and its nuances in different ways, it presents or manifests itself. That's a topic we could talk about another day. Um, personal opinion, just my understanding is that a lot of times narcissists are attracted to smart, educated, attractive women. And maybe even on the subconscious level, they need what you have. Like, it's like a dry sponge soaking up all the water, right? Which leaves the other person dry. My analogy here, I just kind of made it up as a fly on the fly, but, um, I think they don't present themselves as an narcissist or they don't present themselves as needy and they present themselves, they mirror you and present themselves as having the same qualities that, that you have or the ones that you as a woman, they play into what women are looking for perhaps.
Speaker 2 00:25:03 Anyways. But again, that's a topic for another day. I just kind of wanted to throw that out there cuz I think it's a very interesting topic cuz of course narcissism is a clinical diagnosis, but I also think it has nuances that are not clinical, that are behavioral and maybe they're cognitive and not necessarily psychiatric in nature. So, uh, with that said, let's talk about your book. Let's talk about the journey you've taken and the bumps in the road and how, what are maybe your top, I won't call 'em coping mechanisms. What are the things that you learn work for you that help you be a thriver, not just a survivor? What can you offer the women out there, uh, through the lessons, the other obstacles that you faced in life? Cuz we all, I mean, I'm sorry we, naive of me to think that you've only faced one obstacle in your life and you overcame it, you're laughing cuz we all know that's not true, right? And then you just magically got to this point and you wrote this book. So I, I wanna hear more
Speaker 4 00:25:59 <laugh>. Well, um, you know, for time restraints, I won't get into all of that, but I will say, well, this is my book here. I'm not sure if you can see it. Um, the busy woman's got holistic health and wellness. Um, actually the subtitle is How to fuel your work life Balance Without Losing Your Power, passion, and Purpose. And this is volume one here. Volume one is about your environment. And basically, um, if a person were to consider, um, the pillars of wellness, um, basically as far as like, you know, the, they're like eight dimensions, seven dimension, six. It goes back into the seventies and sixties with the dimensions of the, the pillars of wellness. Basically what I am, um, starting with the series of books is the functional, holistic, functional wellness. Okay. Because there is the difference. And so a lot of times people say, Well, you know, what is holistic wellness?
Speaker 4 00:26:49 What is holistic? Um, you know, living, what is it basically, you know, I gist and I just like to keep things simple. I tell people, people it's the whole you mind, body, spirit. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Sometimes people want to focus on one thing versus the other. Like, I I mentioned earlier about, you know, being broken inside, but I, I had the, the outer appearance as if everything was together, but I was broken inside. But you know, again, because I knew, you know, who I I belong to, who created me and that he created me to thrive. It's like, you know, you can sit here and, and roll around in this spillt milk and, and keep feeling sorry for yourself and, and sing that pity party song. Or you need to get it together. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so again, you know, when you're rearing another life, you have to set all types of examples.
Speaker 4 00:27:34 Sometimes we want to cry, we want to break down, and sometimes we don't. There have been times where I was very transparent, you know, to let her know, and I'm still that person right now today. It doesn't mean that because I'm the parent that I'm made of stone. I heard, I cry, I yearn, all those types of things. But with the book, what I did was like a culmination of some of my life experiences in relation to changing your environment in this, this volume one, changing your scenery, um, changing the people around you. Um, I think I've got a chapter in there. Yeah. The, the friends frenemies and foes. Um, your predestined, you know, your mess, your blah, excuse me, your, uh, mission, your personal mission. There's the phone ringing and a lot of things going on here. So your, your predestined, you know, place, those things that you would like to, um, do basically in the future.
Speaker 4 00:28:30 Um, there are different chapters in there. Um, there's this one that I'm thinking about at this moment where I explain how you react versus responding. How when things hit you or you know, controversies come or advers, you know, issues or acts, how you need to stop, step back from it, absorb it, and then execute a plan so that you can move forward. Um, a lot of times, especially in abusive relationships, you find yourself, you know, making a decision on, on, like you say on the fly. And that's not like taking care of your entire body, mind and spirit. You take care of your body, mind and spirit in segments, in sessions. Digesting things is just like we digest our food. You want to digest things and have healthy dosages. And sometimes we're not able to digest things in healthy dose. So dosages because something's going on that we've got to, you know, give an immediate response.
Speaker 4 00:29:29 So in the book I go on as well, talking about how people, you know, basically as a busy person, take the time out to take care of yourself. Take the time out to say no if you need to take the time out to stop and absorb and then decide, don't feel obligated to move so fast because the pressure is, is wanting you to move so fast. Um, your mental health a lot of times depends on it. And that's the thing a lot of times people don't wanna talk about as well. Um, they think mental health is like, okay, she's crazy. No, mental health does not mean a person is crazy. Mental health means I'm taking care of all of my faculties, my mind, my body, my soul, my spirit. I'm taking of all of those things.
Speaker 2 00:30:18 That's great. So I kind jotted down a couple notes so I could go a couple different directions here. I love, um, the holistic approach, the functional, holistic approach, mind, body, spirit. Uh, that's what I teach as well. That's what I support. And I, I think there are times when our mind or our body or spirit are not in alignment. Maybe you need to nurture your body a little more or maybe you need to spend more time clearing your mind or spend time closer to God and work on your spiritual growth. Right? And it would be, in an ideal world, it would all happen all the time at once, right? I kind of look at it as you're pouring into this vessel and sometimes you're pouring in, uh, from the left, from the right, from the top, from the back, from the front and whatever it needs, it keeps filling.
Speaker 2 00:31:01 But those, those are those different areas of your life that you pour into what you need and you surround yourself hopefully with people and with resources that will, will bring those things like inter, like a flower, it needs a sunlight, right? We wanna surround ourselves with people that are positive, that have that sunlight. You talked about friends of me and foes. And I have to think that a lot of times, um, people we think are our friends and I don't wanna go get negative with it, but I do have a point with it. Sometimes we have to have more discernment who our friends are, who our frenemies are, and who our foes are. Cuz I don't necessarily think that people who call themselves our friends, our being friends, perhaps they think they're being helpful, but we don't necessarily know what their, uh, lenses are. That they're their life experiences, where they're coming from.
Speaker 2 00:31:49 And even if they're well intentioned, their advice may not be good for us. It may not be healthy and it may not be in alignment with where, where God wants us to be or where we need to be. And from the outside of my look good, and this is something I learned when I was tutoring on a, a youth, a rehab unit, was a lot of the kids, the guy, the counselor there would tell them once they got outta rehab, they would find people that would want them to drink with them. Or people that wanted them to be around them doing the things they were doing before because it made them comfortable. They didn't wanna be uncomfortable cuz that made them different. So they could either give in or they could get a new group of friends, right? So I feel like a lot of times it, it, it really does matter who your friends are and the kind of advice you're given, cuz it, it can't affect the trajectory of your life. So I found it interesting you brought up friends, frenemies and foes. I'd be curious to hear your perspective on that because frenemies aren't always obvious and friends can be frenemies or foes, we just don't even know. And maybe a friend is a phone, they don't even know it themselves, <laugh>. So,
Speaker 4 00:32:56 Well, again, you can't define people's circles, but what I reference in the book are some quick, simple ways to kind of evaluate or reevaluate your friend circle. Oh. Um, the thing that I, I like most about what I wrote there is something that I grew to do. Uh, I grew to trust who God had to place in my life. That's what I grew to do. So, um, there was some instances, and, and again, you know, um, everybody's circle was different, you know? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you have different people for different reasons mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so, you know, one person may be strong in this area for you, and another person may be strong or lacking, you know, in another area. So it's always good to have a combination of people. Yes. But I feel like everybody should be doing something, something positive, right? You know, you've got some that are like leeches and, you know, um, energy vampires, I've, I've heard that terminology of energy vampires, you know, always needing you to do something for them, but they're not doing anything for you.
Speaker 4 00:34:01 Um, the thing is, with relationship, there should be give or take, give and take reciprocity and resolution, you know? And so a lot of times, you know, if your relationships a quick way to analyze it, if you don't have that positive give or take in a relationship, you're constantly giving and never get anything in return. Um, that's something that a person would need to reevaluate and possibly reevaluate their circles and influence. Now, um, when I say trusting God for who he has in the circle, and that this is like a, a really, like a beast of a prayer to pray, but it's dynamics, um, you'll find that you're more at peace holistically, you know, personally and professionally. So like, say for example, um, and I I do reference that as well in the book, um, you've got like a friend or person that you thought would be a part of your life forever.
Speaker 4 00:34:49 They didn't die, they didn't get sick, they just disappeared. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, and it's like, what happened to so and so? I mean, you know, they're not answering their phone. I can't find them or I wonder what happened to them because you thought that person was gonna be in your life forever. Um, it's true that some people, you know, some friends are people are for seasons and some for reasons, and some are for lifetime. So with that being said, um, my, uh, advice to many and as well as I reference in the book, that sometimes you have to consider when those people just, you know, get missing, that God is systematically removing a person, place, or fame out of your life because it is holding up his plan for your life. It's holding up your destined place. Mm. You're, you're sitting here, you know, babysitting this person's emotions, but you don't get that, you know, in return.
Speaker 4 00:35:41 And you're sitting here putting all this time and energy into this person, but your destiny is also connected to someone else's destiny that you may never, ever meet in this lifetime. So you, you know, we have to look at life and as, um, our purpose and our best in place as like a, a continuous, you know, as a perpetual wheel, constantly moving. So when we become stagnant or we become dormant in the things that we feel like we should be, you know, giving our attention to, I just wholeheartedly believe that sometimes God as our creator will definitely s and sort for us. So in that chapter about friends, frenemies and bs, that's what I'm explaining. I'm talking about, you know, giving different, you know, simple strategic ways to be able to clean up your social circle so that you can continue to press forward with your passion and your purpose.
Speaker 2 00:36:35 Do you think sometimes people struggle to know what their passion and purpose is? And how did you find your passion and purpose?
Speaker 4 00:36:42 Well, again, I define that in that book. Okay. You have to have a relationship with God, you have to have a relationship. Um, it's like having a commentator. You know, you have the sports races, the drag races, the car races, um, even the marine sports, and they all have someone they can call on. You know, they can call for emergency, call for instruction to navigate, right? So I look at that relationship as having like a personal commentator. That's how you discovered who else can better tell you what your destin place is, What your passion, what your purpose is, or bring that particular thing out of you except the person who created you, the person who designed and created your destiny. You know, you would walk up to a stranger and say, Well, you know, what is my destiny? Or you know, what am I passionate about?
Speaker 4 00:37:34 They don't know you. So you would need to have that type of relationship with our Heavenly Father so that you can have first hand insight of why he created you and why you're here. Now, one thing I will say, you know, as like a sidebar, I found that, um, what brings you the most joy is nine times out of 10, that passion, product, passion project that you should be working on or a part of your destiny, a part of your purpose. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Because there's just sometimes just those little, little things. Just like for me personally, I enjoy helping people. I enjoy seeing people happy, I enjoy giving gifts. I enjoy giving up my, my time, my talents, my treasures. It makes me happy. You know, a friend of mine, mine and I, we were discussing one time, I think, you know, as the giver of the give, we're more excited than the recipient, but I enjoy helping people.
Speaker 2 00:38:28 I understand that
Speaker 4 00:38:31 Really enjoyed helping people. So, you know, and when I look back over the course of my life, the common denominator has been service, but then Christ came to serve, you know, wait to think that we can navigate the world and not be able to reciprocate that he came to serve.
Speaker 2 00:38:49 Absolutely. I think that's really well said. I think a lot of people struggle with finding their purpose and knowing their identity and just kind of, um, I see it, I don't know. I've seen it in true circles where it's always the same people serving and they're always doing, doing, doing 10 different directions. And you said earlier, it's important to know when to say no. Uh, and it's also important to know what you're excited about. What, what makes you tick, what your passions are. And I think it's a combination of, of healthy boundaries, a sense of your own identity, and being able to work through your own personal issues or, you know, whether they were traumas or hangups or, um, misguided beliefs or whatever, you know, mental blocks and just being able to get to that point. So, so what other nuggets do you have for us from your book? I, I'm really enjoying this conversation, <laugh>.
Speaker 4 00:39:41 Oh, I appreciate it so much. Um, let's see, One, trying to think what is, well there's one about the making of the busy woman, but I think I'll, I'll talk about the organized chaos, you know.
Speaker 2 00:39:55 Oh, no, no, right. Nobody, we don't have,
Speaker 4 00:39:58 Just tap a little bit, excuse me, on that. Organized chaos. Um, there is like a quiz in there for you to find your busy woman's style, you know? Um, and I am probably one of, um, I say organized chaos. I'm, I'm like the throw down queen. I don't have it in front of me like the, to pull it. If I could pull it up quickly. I don't wanna pull up my glasses either. So I'm just gonna kind of go off the top of my, my head. Um, let's see. We're talking about organized chaos.
Speaker 2 00:40:31 So you're saying there's different types of busy women,
Speaker 4 00:40:34 Um, different types of organizing style. So basically what it is, um, in the organized chaos chapter, and I think that's chapter nine. Ok. Um, I'm basically addressing organized chaos. A lot of times you have those people that will have like a big mess. I love if you see people's desk, a lot of times it's like organized chaos. And so, um, you know, it's like, Oh no, don't touch it. Don't touch it. I know exactly where everything is. And people oftentimes function in organized chaos, except the fact that you lose a lot of, you know, time, energy, resources with that organized chaos. When you can't find something, you know, you're running late, um, you can't find your keys. And I used to be notorious for like throwing my, well, no, I think I put 'em down and then it was like the little people would just find them and play with them.
Speaker 4 00:41:22 And then when I was ready to go, I couldn't find my keys. But basically, um, there's a, a busy woman's organizing style like quiz in here where you give yourself points. And, um, one of 'em, it says, Okay, so I'm not gonna go through the instructions cuz it's saying if you're like, partially between some two. So, um, it says, I have everything in its place. And it basically describes, um, uh, a superior organizer, a person that sets everything in place all the time. Just all the time. And then we've got the, um, organized chaos at its finest. You know, the person I just mentioned, you know, everything looks like a junky, junky junk, something to everyone else. But then they can find things, they can maneuver in that chaos. And then you've got like the kept woman who actually, um, has like a housekeeper. And I tread it very lightly with that because it's not to say that when a person has a housekeeper, they're lazy or they've reached a certain, you know, level in life, sometimes you're just so busy, you just need that extra assistance.
Speaker 4 00:42:19 So we've got, you know, the, the ke woman that has her housekeeper to keep her, you know, orderly. And, and then you have a throw down queen. I throw down queen, Okay. I'm normally very organized, but there are moments, especially in my closet that if I have a certain outfit planned and I get up that morning or the day of, or the meeting and it's not looking the way I thought it was gonna look or the way it looked the last time when I hung it up on that hanger, I'm having a throw down, like looking for, oh my God, where's another purse? Okay, let me find this sweater. Where is this? And so I tend to throw everything down in a pile and then it's like, I'll get back to home, I'll get back to it, and it's just my closet. Everywhere else is fine.
Speaker 4 00:43:08 Even my home office, you walk in, it's like, Oh my God, you do, I just move my stickys. You know, I'm, I'm like a sticky kind of person. I, I journal and I write a lot of notes, you know, to myself, but I am that throwdown queen, but I will not leave it there to continue to grow. So a person who would leave it there and not go back to it, even if it's a month later, go back and get it up, hang everything up, put the holes back, you know, those types of things. So that's the part. And then, um, there's the person, there's the hoarder, and then there's the person that is always unorganized. And so I also suggest, you know, basically, um, like some tips as far as if somebody wants to, you know, get help. Some people really don't know how to organize.
Speaker 4 00:43:51 Some people have been disorganized for so long and so they don't know how to organize. But the reason why that chapter about organized chaos is even present is because it's a part of your environment. It is a part of your mental health. It is a part of the building blocks that you need to have proper functioning holistic health. When you're, Go ahead, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. You go ahead. When your surroundings are in disarray on a consistent basis, people basically discount the, the fact that it weighs heavily on your health, on your mental health, on your, your mental psyche, on your ability to, you know, have basically good relationships, to have productive sleep, stress and anxiety. So basically volume one, which I decided, I'm not doing it in any order, these volumes, but volume one is discussing your environment, which encompasses all these things that are surrounding you, be it person, places, or things surrounding you that you may have to dissect, sift, and sort to have a environment conducive to growth, to thriving.
Speaker 2 00:45:06 I love that. An environment conducive to growth and thriving. I'm gonna write that down while I'm asking a question. You mentioned a, um, a hoarder versus, I think it was, what was the last one? A messy person. What was,
Speaker 4 00:45:20 Uh, let's see. I am always unorganized and it says I've accepted it. I can't ever find what I'm looking for without being, without it being a difficult task. I don't like to clean. I've given up on trying to be organized and just deal with the anxiety feelings that come all over the place.
Speaker 2 00:45:39 That's which one? The hoarder?
Speaker 4 00:45:41 Well, no, that's the, um, unorganized. I'm always unorganized. I'll read it again. It says, um, so this one is number five, the number five style. Um, and I don't have my glasses, should I put 'em on? Yeah,
Speaker 2 00:45:52 Please. Put them on. Put them on. Um, what's the difference between that and a hoarder, I guess?
Speaker 4 00:45:56 Okay, the hoarder. And again, I try to lively with that because I, I, I understand that a lot of people, um, I don't have my favorites. I have these other ones, let me put these on. Um, I understand that a lot of people, that is a sickness that people have. It's actually like a me over condition. But, um, what I'm saying here with this particular one, the one that says I am unorganized, always unorganized. I've accepted it. I can't ever find what I'm looking for without it being a difficult task. I don't like to clean. I've given up trying to be organized and just deal with the anxiety feelings all over the place, the anxiety that comes from that. So the hoarder, I am a secret hoarder is the one that I actually addressed. I am a secret hoarder. I don't know how to clean or organize and have never asked for help.
Speaker 4 00:46:45 Hmm. I do believe that those people, um, when, you know, you see the show and I can't really bear to watch it. I've seen it a couple times, like, you know, just, just a agl glimpse of it. But, um, basically that is denoted as a sickness. You know, they, they are sick and so they need help. And so as well, when you go down in the book and, and do your total as to you know, which one you are, what I suggest is if a person really, truly, and that's an awesome therapy, if they cannot, um, use these simple instructions to restructure their environment to get counseling, you know, to seek therapists, um, there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I feel like, you know, and I've been told from some that are regretted they've received, um, you know, viable, uh, quick steps that were, you know, actionable steps that they can do, you know, fairly quickly, um, to try to get a, a grip on things, even down to changing the scenery. I've got, you know, a chapter about changing the scenery. So all of those things, again, are a part of your mental health, a part of your holistic health and your wellness and your wellbeing. These things spill over into other relationships when they're not in order. So, again, you know, with volume one, we've started with the environment, but that's like the trajectory of it is to give you actionable steps, not just preach to you.
Speaker 2 00:48:03 No, I love it. I mean, it just totally makes sense and it resonates with me. I, I think it's so important. Um, and then when you've got a household of people who all have a different style, right? You're adding all these other people into the environment, so the dynamics affect everyone. So there's
Speaker 4 00:48:19 Exactly
Speaker 2 00:48:20 So much going on at any given time. So, um, uh, any words of wisdom you wanna part with or, um, anything else you wanna say? It's,
Speaker 4 00:48:31 Um,
Speaker 2 00:48:31 Where is yours?
Speaker 4 00:48:33 I would say trust the process, whatever that may be for you. You know, each individual trust the process. Um, you have to be grounded. You have to be grounded in a relationship because that's one of the key elements that you're gonna have to have is some assistance and how to maneuver some assistance with that, that wisdom. Um, you know, do I go left or do I go right or do I keep straight? So when you're, you know, finally attuned with that relationship, having that relationship with the heavenly Father, you can hear you have that discernment, you know, whether I should go left or go right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and by all means, busy women, you know, you have to trust your instinct, trust your gut.
Speaker 2 00:49:19 And, and I think when you talked about friends, it is so important to surround yourself with other like-minded women that really are gonna be supportive and uplifting, encouraging, and that are gonna be honest with you. And they see you veering off and not being your true self. Or they, they send something is wrong. They don't just pretend they don't notice, Right. They, they're not afraid to tell you the hard stuff. Right. They tell you the hard stuff cuz they're not afraid about, Oh, I might lose their friendship, or they may, they may get mad at me or whatever. I think it's really important to be authentic and be real. And if you, if you sincerely care about your friends, to really be honest with them and help them. And if they're struggling, reach out to them as well. I think we're, we're all part of this. You talked about continuum. It's, I I was describing it the other day. It's like a forward trajectory, but it it's spiraling as it goes.
Speaker 4 00:50:10 Exactly. And I tried my best to describe that to the reader in there the best I could because it is, it is an upward spiral, an upward spiral. And so you can't afford to skip a beat. Now sometimes we miss the mark, I'm guilt, I'm guilty myself. You know, sometimes it's like, man, I didn't get it. But you'll find that life will take you back around to that blessing until you do get it <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:50:34 You can either life
Speaker 4 00:50:36 Back until you do get it.
Speaker 2 00:50:37 I think the way I see it just from our discussion is you can either be on the hamster wheel, you can be in a four trajectory, or you can be on autopilot, or you can be completely stuck. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, the brakes are there and you're not going anywhere. So there's like four different ways it can go. Right? So, um, I just, I, I think we have to make a choice to keep propelling forward. Like looking up and trusting that what's ahead is for our good. Even, you know, in the moment it doesn't feel good in the moment, it may not seem great and there are, there're wonderful moments, you know, that are joyous and to be celebrated along the way. And unfortunately, I think those are easily forgotten when we're going through a trial. But, you know, they are growing pains that suck, but they are growing pains.
Speaker 2 00:51:25 And if we trust the process, like you said, and we trust God, or if we don't, if we don't know him, if we, if we can learn to know his character and learn to see ourselves as women of God and his daughters and, and, and just see ourselves the way he perceives us, I think there's like this quiet strength that, that gives us, you know, this quiet confidence in our identity knowing that, um, you know, we see ourselves the way the heavenly father sees us because we have infinite worth in his eyes, you know? Absolutely. So I, I wanna thank you for being here today. Thank you so much Cindy. And I also want you to tell us where do we find your book? And you have like, like an electronic version of it. You talked about the quiz. Is there somewhere other than in the book, we can take the quiz outta curiosity now. I'm like all curious to find out what my, like the organizing woman's style is. I almost cringe <laugh>.
Speaker 4 00:52:17 Um, we have, okay, so we, uh, there's the, um, the audio book and the ebook, and then we are working on the, um, the paperback, the audio book and the ebook. We're working on the release of the audio book. I think it's still been in editing, but, um, my part that I had to sign off one has been done. So, but currently, um, Barnes and Noble and Amazon both have, um, the ebook and the paperback. So I'm thinking with the ebook. Yeah, well that's quite natural. If you're using the ebook, you'll just see it and then of course you can, you know, you can jot it down in your journal or, you know, plain piece of paper or something, you know your answers. But there's several sections, um, where, uh, a busy woman's able to analyze and, and basically ask herself those tough questions. Um, I think I, I've hit it and didn't complete it.
Speaker 4 00:53:09 Um, one thing that was a, like a, a beast of a prayer that I learned to pray and trust was the time that I was so frustrated with my friend circle. And some things are lack thereof in that. And I said, God, I said, You know, I just asked that you take away those people in my my life that are not a part of your destiny and you plan for my life. And to replace them with supportive people, place replace it. You know, replace these people with like-minded individuals, people that I can grow with and they can grow with me. They're gonna support me and I can support them. And I was thankful that he didn't completely, you know, dismantle my whole entire trial.
Speaker 2 00:53:45 Hmm.
Speaker 4 00:53:46 You know, but that sift and sort and who he replaced it with, um, is, is priceless. And I grew a lot from that because I didn't feel like I was the only one always giving, You know, I feel like people, you shouldn't be the smartest one in your group.
Speaker 2 00:54:02 I love that. So true. If you're the smartest one in your group, then where you're not going anywhere, yes.
Speaker 4 00:54:09 You're not going to grow. And that a lot. Right. I reference that a lot in that book. Right. The smartest one in your group, Who you gonna grow from.
Speaker 2 00:54:17 Right. I think it's give and take. Not just give, give gift,
Speaker 4 00:54:22 Absolut,
Speaker 2 00:54:23 I think it's running yourself with other, uh, people of God, women and women, um, that have other gifts, you know, other
Speaker 4 00:54:32 Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 00:54:33 That have integrity and that will, um, encourage you to be your best self. I wanna thank you once again. This has been a You're welcome. Discussion. A wonderful time. My wheels already turning. There's so many other discussions that we're gonna have. What we could have and Oh,
Speaker 4 00:54:50 <laugh>. <laugh>. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:54:51 Just all these topics that we barely touched upon. We talk about analytical. I can't wait to take all the quizzes cuz that's how I am. I like to do introspection. I like to self-examine and think about why do I do this, why do I do that? And then try to understand if I feel like if I understand myself better, it gives me more insight into other people as well. So I don't take their personal baggage so personally and maybe helps me to connect with them better, communicate better. Oh yeah. Have healthy relationships with them. Because I otherwise, you're coming from a place of darkness and there's no light and you don't, you can project your own darkness under the people and cast a shadow or you can illuminate it with light and, and like you said, thrive. Not just survive.
Speaker 4 00:55:36 Not just survive. That is right.
Speaker 2 00:55:38 So thrive. Tell your friends, tell your families, tell everybody, your friends, your friend enemies, and your fo we are here every week. Tell you. And thank you once again, Cindy. You are worth it. You are worthy and you are loved.
Speaker 4 00:55:52 Thank you so much. Maybe I will say, you know, as like a sidebar, I found that, um, what brings you the most joy is nine times out of 10, that passion, product, passion project that you should be working on or a part of your destiny, a part of your purpose. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, because they're just sometimes just those little, little things. Just like for me personally, I enjoy helping people. I enjoy seeing people happy. I enjoy giving gifts. I enjoy giving up my, my time, my talents, my treasures. It makes me happy. You know, a friend of mine, mine and I, we were discussing one time, I think you're excited, recipient helping people. So, you know, and when I look back over the course of my life, the common denominator has been service. But then Christ came to serve. You know, we to think that we can navigate the world and not be able to reciprocate that he came to serve.
Speaker 2 00:56:56 Absolutely. I think that's really well said. I think a lot of people struggle with finding their purpose and knowing their identity and just kind of, um, I see it, I don't know. I've seen it in true circles where it's always the same people serving and they're always doing, doing, doing 10 different directions. And you said earlier, it's important to know when to say no. Uh, and it's also important to know what you're excited about. What, what makes you tick, what your passions are. And I think it's a combination of, of healthy boundaries, a sense of your own identity, and being able to work through your own personal issues or, you know, whether they were traumas or hangups or, um, misguided beliefs or whatever. You know, mental blocks and just being able to get to that point. So, so what other nuggets do you have for us from your book? I, I'm really enjoying this conversation, <laugh>.
Speaker 4 00:57:49 Oh, I appreciate it so much. Um, let's see, One, trying to think what is, well there's one about the making of the busy woman, but I think I, I'll talk about the organized chaos, you know.
Speaker 2 00:58:03 No, no, no. Right. Nobody you don't have. Yeah,
Speaker 4 00:58:06 Just tap a little bit, Excuse me on that. Organized chaos. Um, there is like a quiz in there for you to find your busy woman's style, you know. Um, and I am probably one of, um, I say organized chaos. I'm, I'm like the throwdown queen. I don't have it in front of me like the, to pull it. If I could pull it up quickly. I don't wanna pull up my glasses either. So I'm just gonna kind of go off the top of my, my head. Um, let's see. We're talking about organized chaos.
Speaker 2 00:58:39 So you're saying there's different types of busy women,
Speaker 4 00:58:42 Um, different types of organizing style. So basically what it is, um, in the organized chaos chapter, and I think that's chapter nine. Okay. Um, I'm basically addressing organized chaos. A lot of times you have those people that will have like a big mess. I love if you see people's desk, a lot of times it's like organized chaos. And so, um, you know, it's like, Oh no, don't touch it. Don't touch it. I know exactly where everything is. And people oftentimes function in organized chaos, except the fact that you lose a lot of, you know, time, energy, resources with that organized chaos. When you can't find something, you know, you're running late, um, you can't find your keys. And I used to be notorious for like throwing my people. No, I think I put 'em down and then it was like the little people would just find them and play with them.
Speaker 4 00:59:30 And then when I was ready to go, I couldn't find my keys. But basically, um, there's a, a busy woman's organizing style like quiz in here where you give yourself points and, um, one of 'em, it says, Okay, so I'm not gonna go through the instructions cuz it's saying if you're like partially between some two. So, um, it says, I have everything in its place. And it basically describes, um, uh, a superior organizer, a person that sets everything in place all the time. Just all the time. And then we've got the, um, organized chaos at it. Finest. You know, the person I just, I mentioned, you know, everything looks like a junky, junky junk, something to everyone else. But then they can find things, they can maneuver in that chaos. And then you've got like the ke woman who actually, um, has like a housekeeper.
Speaker 4 01:00:15 And I tread it very lightly with that because it's not to say that when a person has a housekeeper, they're lazy or they've reached a certain, you know, level in life, sometimes you're just so busy. You just need that extra assistance. So we've got, you know, the, the ke woman that has her housekeeper to keep her, you know, orderly and neat. And then you have a throw down queen. I throw down queen, queen, I'm normally very organized, but there are moments, especially in my closet that if I have a certain outfit planned and I get up that morning or the day of or the meeting and it's not looking the way I thought it was gonna look or the way it looked the last time when I hung it up on that hanger, I'm having a throw throwdown like looking for, oh my God, where's another purse?
Speaker 4 01:01:03 Okay, let me find this sweater. Where is this? And so I tend to throw everything down in a pile and then it's like, I'll get back to home, I'll get back to it, and it's just my closet. Everywhere else is fine. Even my home office, you walk in, it's like, Oh my God, do you do work? I just move my, you know, I'm, I'm like a sticky kind of person. I, I journal and I write a lot of notes, you know, to myself, but I am that throw down queen, but I will not leave it there to continue to grow. So a person who would leave it there and not go back to it, even if it's a month later, go back and get it up, hang everything up, put the holes back, you know, those types of things. So that's the part. And then, um, there's the person, there's the hoarder, and then there's the person that is always unorganized. And so I also suggest, you know, basically, um, like some tips as far as if somebody wants to, you know, get help. Some people really don't know how to organize. Some people have been disorganized for so long until they don't know how to organize. But the reason why that chapter about organized chaos is even present is because it's a part of your environment. It is a part of your mental health. It is a part of the building blocks that you need to have proper functioning holistic health. When you're, Go ahead, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 01:02:24 Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. You go ahead.
Speaker 4 01:02:25 When your surroundings are in disarray on a consistent basis, people basically discount the, the fact that it weighs heavily on your health, on your mental health, on your, your mental psyche, on your ability to, you know, have basically good relationships, to have productive sleep, stress and anxiety. So basically volume one, which I decided, I'm not doing it in any order, these volumes, but volume one is discussing your environment, which encompasses all these things that are surrounding you. Be it person, places, or things surrounding you that you may have to dissect, sift, and sort to have a environment conducive to growth, to thriving.
Speaker 2 01:03:14 I love that. An environment conducive to growth and thriving. I'm gonna write that down while I'm asking a question. You mentioned a, um, a hoarder versus, I think it was, what was the last one? A messy person. What was,
Speaker 4 01:03:27 Uh, let's see. I am always unorganized and it says I've accepted it. I can't ever find what I'm looking for without being, without it being a difficult task. I don't like to clean. I've given up on trying to be organized and just deal with the anxiety feelings that come all over the place.
Speaker 2 01:03:47 That's which one? The hoarder?
Speaker 4 01:03:49 Well, no, that's the, um, unorganized. I'm always unorganized. I'll read it again. It says, um, so this one is number five, the number five style. Um, and I don't have my glasses, should I put 'em on? Yeah,
Speaker 2 01:04:00 Please. Put them on. Put them on. Um, what's the difference between that and a hoarder, I guess?
Speaker 4 01:04:04 Ok, so the hoarder, and again, I try to likely with that because I, I, I understand that a lot of people, um, I don't have my favorites. I have these other ones, let me put these on. Um, I understand that a lot of people, that is a sickness that people have. It's actually like a me condition. But, um, what I'm saying here with this particular one, the one that says I am unorganized, always unorganized. I've accepted it. I can't ever find what I'm looking for without it being a difficult task. I don't like to clean. I've given up trying to be organized and just deal with the anxiety feelings all over the place. The anxiety that comes from that. So the hoarder, I am a secret hoarder is the one that I actually addressed. I am a secret hoarder. I don't know how to clean or organize and have never asked for help.
Speaker 4 01:04:53 Hmm. I do believe that those people, um, went, you know, you see the show and I can't really bear to watch it. I've seen it a couple times, like, you know, just, just a glimpse of it. But, um, basically that is denoted as a sickness. You know, they, they are sick and so they need help. And so as well, when you go down in the book and, and do your total as to you know, which one you are, what I suggest is if a person really, truly, and that's an awesome therapy. If they cannot, um, use these simple instructions to restructure their environment to get counseling, you know, to seek Americas, um, there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I feel like, you know, and I've been told from some that have read it, they've received, um, you know, viable, uh, quick steps that were, you know, actionable steps that they can do, you know, fairly quickly, um, to try to get a, a grip on things, even down to changing the scenery. I've got, you know, chapter about change the scenery. So all of those things again, are a part of your mental health, a part of your holistic health and your wellness and your wellbeing. These things spill over into other relationships when they're not in order. So again, you know, with volume one, we've started with the environment, but that's like the trajectory of it is to give you actionable steps, not just preach to you.
Speaker 2 01:06:11 Oh, I love it. I mean, it just totally makes sense and it resonates with me. I think it's so important. Um, and then when you've got a household of people who all have a different style right? You're adding all these other people into the environment, so the dynamics affect everyone. So there's exactly,
Speaker 4 01:06:27 Exactly
Speaker 2 01:06:28 So much going on at any given time. So, um, uh, any words of wisdom you wanna part with or, um, anything else you wanna say? It's,
Speaker 4 01:06:38 Um,
Speaker 2 01:06:39 Where is yours?
Speaker 4 01:06:40 I would say trust the process, whatever that may be for you. You know, each individual trust the process. Um, you have to be grounded. You have to be grounded in a relationship because that's one of the key elements that you're gonna have to have is some assistance and how to maneuver some assistance with that, that wisdom. Um, you know, do I go left or do I go right or do I keep straight? So when you're, you know, finally attuned with that relationship, having that relationship with the heavenly Father, you can hear you have that discernment, you know, whether I should go left or go right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and by all means, busy women, you know, you have to trust your instinct, trust your gut.
Speaker 2 01:07:27 And, and I think when you talked about friends, it is so important to surround yourself with other like-minded women that really are gonna be supportive and uplifting, encouraging and that are gonna be honest with you. And they see you veering off and not being your true self. Or they, they send something is wrong. They don't just pretend they don't notice. Right. They, they're not afraid to tell you the hard stuff. They tell you the hard stuff cuz they're not afraid about, Oh, I might lose their friendship, or they may, they may get mad at me or whatever. I think it's really important to be authentic and be real and to, if you, if you sincerely care about your friends, to really be honest with them and help them. And if they're struggling, reach out to them as well. I think we're, we're all part of this. You talked about continuum. It's, I I was describing it the other day. It's like a forward trajectory, but it it's spiraling as it goes.
Speaker 4 01:08:18 Exactly. I tried my best to describe that to the reader in there the best I could because it is, it's an upward spiral. Upward spiral. And so you can't afford to skip a beat. Now sometimes we miss the mark. I'm, I'm guilty myself. You know, sometimes it's like, man, I didn't get it. But you'll find that life will take you back around to that blessing until you do get it <laugh>.
Speaker 2 01:08:42 You can either right
Speaker 4 01:08:43 Back until you do get it.
Speaker 2 01:08:45 I think the way I see it just from our discussion is you can either be on the hamster wheel, you can be in a forward trajectory, or you can be on autopilot, or you could be completely stuck. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, the brakes are there and you're not going anywhere. So there's like four different ways it can go. Right. So, um, I just, I, I think we have to make a choice to keep propelling forward. Like looking up and trusting that what's ahead is for our good. Even, you know, in the moment it doesn't feel good in the moment, it may not seem great and there are, there are wonderful moments, you know, that are joyous and to be celebrated along the way. And unfortunately, I think those are easily forgotten when we're going through a trial. But, you know, they are growing pains that suck, but they are growing pains.
Speaker 2 01:09:33 And if we trust the process, like you said, and we trust God, or if we don't, if we don't know him, if we, if we can learn to know his character and learn to see ourselves as women of God and his daughters and, and, and just see ourselves the way he perceives us, I think there's like this quiet strength that, that gives us, you know, this quiet confidence in our identity knowing that, um, you know, we see ourselves the way the heavenly father sees us because we have infinite worth in his eyes, you know? Absolutely. So I, I wanna thank you for being here today. Thank you so much Cindy. And I also want you to tell us where do we find your book? And you have like, like an electronic version of it. You talked about the quiz. Is there somewhere other than in the book, we can take the quiz outta curiosity now. I'm like all curious to find out what my like <laugh>, the organizing woman's style is. I almost cringe <laugh>.
Speaker 4 01:10:25 Um, we have, okay, so we, there's the, um, the audio book and the ebook, and then we are working on the, um, the paperback, the audio book and the ebook. We're working on the release of the audio book. I think it's still been in editing, but, um, my part that I had to sign off one has been done. So, but currently, um, Barnes and Noble and Amazon both have, um, the ebook and the paperback. So I'm thinking with the ebook. Yeah, well that's quite natural. If you're using the ebook, you'll just see it and then of course you can, you know, you can jot it down in your journal or, you know, plain piece of paper or something, you know your answers. But there's several sections, um, where, uh, a busy woman's able to analyze and, and basically ask herself those tough questions. Um, I think I, I hit it and didn't complete it.
Speaker 4 01:11:16 Um, one thing that was a, like a, a beast of a prayer that I learned to pray and trust was the time that I was so frustrated with my friend circle and some things, or lack thereof in that. And I said, God, I said, you know, I just asked that you take away those people in my life that are not a part of your destiny and plan for my life and to replace them with supportive people, place replace it, you know, replace these people with like-minded individuals, people that I can grow with and they can grow with me. They're gonna support me and I can support them. And I was thankful that he didn't completely, you know, dismantle my whole entire swallow. Hmm. You know, but that sift and sort and who he replaced it with, um, is priceless. And I grew a lot from that because I didn't feel like I was the only one always giving, you know, I feel like people, you shouldn't be the smartest one in your group.
Speaker 2 01:12:09 I love that. So true. If you're the smartest one in your group, then where you're not going anywhere if
Speaker 4 01:12:16 You're not going to grow and a lot, Right. I referenced that a lot in that book. Right. The smartest one in your group, who you gonna grow from,
Speaker 2 01:12:25 Right? I think it's give and take. Not just give, give gift
Speaker 4 01:12:29 Absolut,
Speaker 2 01:12:30 I think it's running yourself with other, uh, people of God, women and women, um, in that have other gifts, you know, other Exactly,
Speaker 4 01:12:40 Exactly.
Speaker 2 01:12:41 That have integrity and that will, um, encourage you to be your best self. I wanna thank you once again. This has been a you're welcome discussion. A wonderful time. And my wheels already turning. There's so many other discussions that we're gonna have, what we could have and oh,
Speaker 4 01:12:58 <laugh>, you
Speaker 2 01:12:58 Know, just all these topics that we barely touched upon. We talk about analytical. I can't wait to take all the quizzes cuz that's how I am. I like to do introspection. I like to self-exam and think about why do I do this, why do I do that? And then try to understand if I feel like if I understand myself better, it gives me more insight into other people as well. So I don't take their personal baggage so personally and maybe helps me to connect with them better, communicate better. Oh yeah. Have healthy relationships with them because I otherwise, you're coming from a place of darkness and there's no light and you don't, you can project your own darkness under the people and cast a shadow or you can illuminate it with light and, and like you said, thrive. Not just survive.
Speaker 4 01:13:43 Not just survive. That is
Speaker 2 01:13:46 True. So try tell your friends, tell your families, tell everybody, your friends, your friend enemies and your foes. We are here every week. Tell you. And thank you once again, Cindy. You are worth it. You are worthy and you are loved.
Speaker 4 01:13:59 Thank you so much. Hello.
Speaker 0 01:14:01 Hello again. As an in note, I wanted to leave you with two resources. I understand that everybody's not able to strategize to get out of a domestic violence situation. Uh, one resource is to open your mouth. Do not be silent. Let someone know what's going on. No one can help you. If they don't know what's going on, there's still some good people out there willing to help you. Second is the domestic violence hotline and the number there is 1 807 99 7 2 3 3. Again, that number is 1 807 9 9 7 2 3 3. You can also text start s t a r t 2 8 8 7 8 8. Again, text start 2 8 8 7 8 8. That's all for today. Peace, grace, and blessings be multiplied to you. Until next time.
